Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
