Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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