I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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