Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I forget how to act sober
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