You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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