awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
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