that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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