dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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