The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
the day after is always just damage control
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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