Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
