I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
