i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
After tacos, we're chasing women.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
