sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
