Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
