I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
