Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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