look no pants
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
