you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
He? As in you personified your dick?
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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