The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
