are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize