omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
