Welp...herpes.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize