false alarm. still invincible.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
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