Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
You've changed since you got that strap on
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
