sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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