good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
So much rum. So many feels.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
