dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
