It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
