I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize
