she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
