I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
