He asked to "fluff my boner.."
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
You're like the curious george of whores
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
