Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
My dad just said "fuck circus"
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
