woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Randomize
