omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
