i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize