Betty ford says i'm here all night
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
