you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
