her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
it's great music for shaving your balls
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Randomize
