You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I stole a fireplace last night.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
