I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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