I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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