Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Randomize
