Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
He kissed a someone with a penis
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Randomize
