so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
