it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize