You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Randomize
