Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
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