And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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