Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Someone came in the potted fern
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
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