this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Randomize
