So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
No stitches, just platelets and will power
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
