we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
The cops high fived after they tackled you
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
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