ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Randomize
