Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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