so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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