Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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