Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
This house was built for laser tag.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
