Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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