I have demons in me.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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