there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Oh god it's open bar.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
