There is no way he is gay with that hair.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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