We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
