I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
