Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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