i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
