We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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