I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
So vagazzling was a success
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
