Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize