who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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