What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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